Dark

Life is…

Sometimes I wonder: what am I?
I look at the stars and feel very small;
just a tiny consciousness.
But if I were as tall as a planet,
I would still be short in comparison to the universe.

I see a person twice my size
and I feel weak and fragile.
But if I were strong and powerful,
I would still not be invincible.

I see a painting by the hand of a genius,
and I feel inexperienced and ignorant.
But if I were the greatest artist alive,
it would not make me love what I do any more or less.

I see blood, running from the wound of another,
and I feel a chilling fear from deep within.
But if I walked this earth with bravery,
it would not make things less dangerous.

I see a baby, innocent and naive,
and I feel cynical and jaded.
But if I saw through untainted eyes all my life,
it would not make the world a better place.

I see a raindrop, tear of the sky,
and I feel ugly and unsightly.
But if I were as beautiful as rain,
it would not make me crystal clear inside.

There are children with cancer,
mothers who lose their babies,
people who are worse off than dead.

I wonder if I am just lucky or if the world was cruel.
But even if the world was kind or if I were dying, too,
there would still be suffering.

I weep all night, I get nightmares,
I lose myself thinking of such things.
But even if I could right every wrong,
if I could run faster
or jump higher
or be stronger,
it would not make me better or happier.

With what I have, I’ll do what I like
and like what I do.
Life is good.

Life

-Mkalyan

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To cold

On frozen nights when it is too cold to bleed,that is the time I am too afraid to dream.
Tears flowing in streams until I can’t breathe.
that is what I do best sometimes.
But how the stars shine that is when it speaks to me
I find myself wanting to know everything about it.
The voices in my head dwindle
They get louder and louder to were my ears bleed
I try and cover my ears but they are too loud to ignore
In the end though, I cowardly retreat.
Because I know they
Are to strong
Even for me….

frozen_wind_by_sh4de_pl-d35i19e

-Mkalyan

Words

Words maybe strong and have a lot of meanings…. but as long as I know what’s true about me

Words don’t hurt me

If you cross the line, then I will payback in kind to your harsh words

I know what’s true, I know what’s a lie

I know who I am

No matter what you say

Words will never hurt me

You lie through your teeth just to hurt someone else

Did someone stab you with harsh words?

No need to do the same to someone

Try using kind words

Words have a lot of meaning

If you us the right ones

Then no one will have the need for harsh and painful words

Words_by_with_accusing_eyes

“What’s Happiness?”

“What’s Happiness?”

It’s not here, that’s what it is.

Standing on top of the highest building overshadowing the city,

I glance beneath on the thousands of feet under

As I bit my lip,

I do not see this supposed happiness, anywhere.

Someone hammered this quote into my head:

“Airports see more sincere kisses than wedding halls.

The walls of hospitals have heard more prayers than the walls of churches.”

Now this stinging headache tells me that this planet is all it’s cracked up to be

That a bogus smile is plastered all over this planet.

And we should never let this pseudo merriment falter, or else.

Riddling whispers want to drag me back in to the concept that

True feelings and integrity is nothing but a myth, a sham, a con, a joke.

Those who believe otherwise in that missing ray of hope,

Shall be crushed and eaten by the foolish thought of it.

That fake smile is our line of defense.

Which is why I’m barely standing here in desperation

Searching for pure gaiety, maskless faces, untainted souls.

Instead all I see is conditioned bliss, beautiful facades, crooked smiles.

People everywhere held their broken hearts close,

Petrified for it to be shattered, disintegrated.

Seems strenuous to maintain a strong pulse.

That lonely girl at school, she could have been a rock star,

If not being poured of Law homework that discontinued her dream.

That geeky nerd could have enjoyed being outgoing,

If not for the constant bullying that zipped up his personality.

That old aged janitor could have spent the last of his years smiling,

If random acts of kindness like a simple “Hello” didn’t cease to exist,

But it’s too late now since he retired to the afterlife.

The ignored, belittled, discriminated could have tasted happiness,

If not for the gnawing looks from people who are “proper” and “normal”;

If the LGBTQIA aren’t treated as a bunch of diseased and confused pricks demanding for attention;

If the delicate souls with serious mental illnesses weren’t called crazy retarded twats;

If the different and gifted weren’t demeaned as weird queers and lunatics for expressing individuality.

Basically the “proper and normal” hold up their noses high while the “abnormal” hide in their shadows, in tears

Tired, no, afraid of being themselves.

What about the high nosed privileged category?

They don’t seem very content at their lives too.

Stress, expectation and work leech on them, sucking them dry.

They need to be studious for college scholarships,

They need to be diligent for their plate of potatoes,

They need to graft for their children’s shelter,

They need to endure for their parents’ sake,

They need to put on masks and choose the right emote

Hold their breathings and grit their teeth because they’re underlings

Yelling and puffing out steam at petty details because they’re superiors

A normal life is not a walk in the park it seems.

Nope, it’s not here.

I couldn’t find it.

Happiness turned into fairy tales leaving everybody sobbing in the dark.

I ache for people.

That leaves me wondering what if…

Just what if I slipped?

From this rooftop with this newfound courage to end it all?

Plenty of reasons feed this dangerous thought,

What’s life if living is all it’s cracked up to be?

Why can’t we know what happiness is without knowing what sadness is?

Why should we continue to coo ourselves with further lies?

When one step from this building edge could lead us to…

I stepped back and sighed.

I guess I’ll just keep on searching.