Alone

Traveling to Bhutan

I have been quite silent in my blog for sometime now. There are lot of things happening around (more details soon) and one of them was that I was planning for a trip to Bhutan and Kolkata.

Initially I thought of doing simple trip, like my last trips but then decided to not to. I Will post more details about the trip, with photos once I am back.

I will be back by mid of this October and till then my phone will be switched off and if you send me an email you will get a response only after I am back.

And regarding the good news, you might have to wait till I am back ;)

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Being alone

Everyone feels alone at some point in their life, whether they want to admit it or not. It feels hollow but painful. The feeling comes from the same place as happiness and sadness, but why does being alone feel this way?

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It’s because the pain from being sad makes itself present, and the happiness that you had felt re-emerges from the slumber it was in. You can be the happiest person you know and feel completely alone…or you can be the saddest and be alone, either way, from happiness to sadness, everyone feels that dark, aching pain that they can’t explain. “Why does it hurt? Why does it feel like that? Why do I feel this way?” are questions you ask yourself when you feel the deep feeling in your chest.

When you are alone, you think of your mistakes, and you see them being worse than they were; and you feel worse than you did the first time. I know that. I have relived my past mistakes over and over and I regretted every moment. But I can’t change it. I have to live with the facts that I was angry, depressed, short-tempered and alone. People tried to reach out to me, but I ended up pushing them away, at least I think I did…

But this isn’t about me, it’s about all of the people who feel alone and distanced from the world.

But, those people. You, please, I know the feeling will make you cry, I know you will feel yourself crumbling slowly, but don’t hurt yourself for it. People will come to help you. That one person who asks how you are that one day, he/she probably knows your pain and wants to help you. You are never alone. Teachers, your parents, whether they seem to never care or not, your classmates, they care. I have felt like I had friends ever since I went into high school. And I could never ask for better friends. I will be your friend. I want to help people who feel the same pain as I have had to for the 17 years of being alive.

So, please. If you feel this feeling of being completely alone, and you don’t know where to go, just know that being alone may be a safe place, but it also can be the most painful one of all.

Stars

The stars are lonely.
I love them through thick and thin.
If only they knew.
Maybe they would twinkle all
the more. If only they knew.

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-Mkalyan

I felt bad for stars. Because to us they look all close together and stuff, but they are far away from any of their brethren. They have nothing but themselves. I like to go outside and tell them stories.

If only they knew.

I am an owl

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I am an owl
in a silent, lonely world
and my face is affable
with flattened beak
and giant eyes
and tufts of feathers and fur…
they say that i am wise
behind my comic countenance
and indeed there is a setting
in my shoulders and my wings
that speaks of elegance and poise
and a strange dark mystery…
none can know my thoughts
for i fly only alone
and when i speak i talk to myself
and my voice is sad and low
speaking of all the tragedy
there is in the world…
Though at night i am strong
and i catch prey with ease
and terrify the shades themselves
and enjoy the brilliant moon
when i wake the crows plague me
they circle me and cry
accusing me of all the deaths
all the meals i’d taken
and i just cower there and cry
all my courage gone in the light 
of the sun where all can see me…
but always i endure
and wait patiently for night
when i can spread my wings again
and feel elation at the wind and think
“so this is what the poets speak of
so this is what the humans crave
this is the thing called inspiration
this joy, this dark cold night,
where i am ruler, where i am wise,
where i am comic, and when i cry,
and when i feel the most alive”
oh i would never change this fact
i’m proud to be an owl
i’d never be anything more or less
oh yes
i am an owl…